2. Tension - Something Pulls, Something Holds

00:00:00: What happens when you look at your life the way physics looks in the world?

00:00:04: Physics and Life uses the language of the models of physics to understand human experience more clearly, not to reduce life into formulas but find orientation in complexity.

00:00:15: And tell a difference between what is actually happening... ...and the story we tell ourselves about it.

00:00:21: I am Barbara & You are listening To Physics In Life.

00:00:25: Today We Are Talking About Tension.

00:00:27: Do you know this?

00:00:28: ?

00:00:29: On your desk lies a letter you should have answered long ago.

00:00:32: Every time your eyes land on it, You feel a small sting and go clean the kitchen instead or there is conversation with your boss , sister And you've been pushing ahead of for weeks.

00:00:46: Or one week ago you met someone got along right away Now waiting to get a message that just isn't coming.

00:00:53: There's something actually want A course, project a move to another town and still nothing happens.

00:01:01: Four quite different situations, A duty ,a difficult conversation, a wait, a wish And in all four you can feel the same thing it pulls something has yet to be done Yet To Be Sad, yet To Be Lifted...and It Won't Leave You Alone.

00:01:19: Most of The Time We Then Tell Ourselves A Story About It.

00:01:23: I'm Just No Disciplined!

00:01:25: I Avoid Conflict.

00:01:27: Maybe I'm just not brave enough.

00:01:29: Today we are looking at what is actually happening in this state, physics has a word of it – tension!

00:01:36: You'll take four essential insights from the episode and one blind spot that you'd like to overlook.

00:01:42: today We need an ordinary metal spring.

00:01:46: As long as nobody touches it It's just lies there.

00:01:50: Now stretch it Hold one end And pull on another.

00:01:53: In this moment you create what physics calls tension.

00:01:57: Tension is only formed when the spring is held at two points that lie apart.

00:02:02: If one hand lets go, then tension is gone.

00:02:05: in same moment The spring snaps back towards other hand and thats it A spring that hangs from just a point there.

00:02:14: It knows no tension.

00:02:15: Thats first.

00:02:16: inside of episode Tension forms between two ends Something that pulls and something that holds.

00:02:24: Now place this picture next to the situation from start, The letter on your desk.

00:02:30: One end is the task itself.

00:02:32: It wants be done!

00:02:33: The deadline getting closer And you are actually someone who keeps their things in order?

00:02:39: The other end whatever holds you.

00:02:42: Maybe simply don't know what write.

00:02:44: maybe sense answer will be unpleasant.

00:02:48: Maybe the whole thing looks bigger than it is because It has been lying there for so long The conversation with your boss.

00:02:55: at one end pulls what needs to be said.

00:02:58: you have known it four weeks.

00:03:00: At the other hand holds the question of how he will react and the fact that You don't have your first sentence yet Waiting for the message.

00:03:09: At One end pulls, they hope That this meeting could turn into something.

00:03:14: At the other end holds the fact that the answer lies with another person right now.

00:03:19: This may be the strangest form of tension, one of the ends is held by someone else and a wish let's say –a course you would love to do– at one hand pulls learning then moving forward this sense.

00:03:34: there still something more…at the others several things hold at once Loyalty for your employer who has supported all these years.

00:03:44: The money, because the course costs money while your pay would get smaller.

00:03:49: The evenings which are already short.

00:03:52: Sometimes tension is less like a spring and more like a tent Tied down at several corners at the same time.

00:03:59: Now look what this picture does to the stories.

00:04:02: from start.

00:04:04: I'm just not disciplined Shrinks into a description form outside Seen from inside To real ends of pulling The task.

00:04:13: it's real And what holds you is just as real.

00:04:16: It simply has no name yet, and the fact that it pulls means one thing above all – both ends matter to you.

00:04:23: with things you don't care about?

00:04:26: You feel no pull!

00:04:28: Now the second observation.

00:04:30: Picture a stretched spring…it isn't moving.

00:04:33: The situation looks calm...It's far less calm than it looks though because it pulls at both ends without a break.

00:04:42: You notice this when you simply hold the spring stretched for a while.

00:04:46: That's all you have to do, just hold it!

00:04:49: After few minutes your hands get tired – that is.

00:04:52: second insight from outside.

00:04:55: tension looks like calm and still makes you tired…you had firmly planned write letter today.

00:05:01: instead emptied dishwasher answered three small emails and tidied desk in circle around the letter In evening its lying there and you are tired as if you had worked hard all day.

00:05:14: You have!

00:05:15: It was just invisible from the outside, The task pulled something in your head And you stood between all days long Holding a spring for hours.

00:05:25: That's exactly why putting things off makes us so tired Often more tired than doing them would.

00:05:32: Waiting for the message works the same way.

00:05:34: Checking your phone twenty times a day looks like nothing form the outside.

00:05:39: You were still holding all day long.

00:05:42: And that's exactly why nobody understands it!

00:05:45: Whoever saw you today, saw a perfectly normal day.

00:05:48: There is nothing to tell.

00:05:50: Nothing happened.

00:05:51: afterall From the outside tension looks like calm Even for people who love you.

00:05:57: So you sit there in evening tired and wonder what from Maybe your are holding a stretch spring today.

00:06:05: The third observation The pull you feel when hold the spring is never vague.

00:06:11: It pulls in one exact direction, and it follows a simple rule – the further this spring is stretched, the stronger it pulls!

00:06:19: Same string more distance…more pull For the letter on your desk...this means Every week it stays there stretches the spring a little farther.

00:06:29: That's why that same task feels like small thing in March And like mountain in August.

00:06:34: Thats dessert inside.

00:06:36: The pull grows stronger over time and it is precise.

00:06:40: If you feel closely, You learn what is really pulling And What Is Really Holding!

00:06:46: You can practice this feeling closely the way a physicist would observe.

00:06:51: When does it pull harder?

00:06:52: when hardly at all Take the letter Notice the exact moment when something tightens inside of you.

00:07:00: Is It the thought of writing itself?

00:07:02: Then your probably missing the beginning And the next step would be to ask someone who has written a letter like this before.

00:07:09: Is it the thought of answer that might come back?

00:07:12: Then, It isn't about paperwork at all!

00:07:15: then its about trouble you are expecting and That wants to be handled differently from a letter or The cause.

00:07:22: when you feel closely You may notice there's no doubt About the wish itself because is something beautiful your even looking forward To it what holds as Something else?

00:07:33: You don't know yet where all of this is supposed to fit.

00:07:37: The hours next your job, the money and evenings with children – that too is valuable information because a question of space needs different steps from a doubt.

00:07:49: it wants to be talked through and organized by you boss or partner in calendar.

00:07:54: The pull is precise!

00:07:56: It shows which end has which strength…you do not have follow-up but can read.

00:08:02: The fourth observation is the most beautiful one.

00:08:05: Picture a bow, as long at it is relaxed its a bent piece of wood with string.

00:08:12: It's comfortable to look and nothing flies from it.

00:08:15: Now the archer places an arrow and draws this string.

00:08:19: Hold this moment for second.

00:08:21: Nothing flying yet Everything quiet And still everything that about happen already there.

00:08:28: The whole flight of the arrow already lies in the drawn string.

00:08:33: It just hasn't taken place yet!

00:08:35: That is tension, when you think it through to the end – movement that has not yet taken place….

00:08:41: …the heaviness in your hands when you hold this spring... ...the pull that makes you tired….

00:08:46: All of that is at the same time what a coming change will be made

00:08:51: off.".

00:08:52: That's the fourth insight.

00:08:54: Insight-tension lies with the movement which still comes And when you let go, it takes its direction.

00:09:01: The archer aims and that is where the arrow flies!

00:09:05: Now look at what we often do with our tension in everyday life – the argument of evening…the big tidy up….the third hour of scrolling...all this releases tension.

00:09:17: Afterwards you feel lighter..and next morning spring is stretched again because both ends are still there.

00:09:24: Releasing one thing, resolving another.

00:09:27: The tidying up is the trickiest of all because it feels like progress, but the letter still lying there afterwards.

00:09:35: And something else gets lost in the releasing –the movement that was waiting inside tension- It's wasted instead of flying.

00:09:43: Tension is resolved two ways and you know both from the bow & spring!

00:09:48: First a step towards one end with this letter can be tiny.

00:09:53: write first line even if its clumsy or ask the neighbor who works at an insurance company how to word something like this.

00:10:01: With the conversation with your boss, book a meeting even before you have perfect first sentence!

00:10:08: With the waiting send the message that you are waiting for yourself.

00:10:11: afterwards.

00:10:12: You will know more.

00:10:13: either way…with course The conversation about where it can fit – with your Boss , partner and calendar.

00:10:21: Every one of these steps is an arrow Small maybe but it is the movement that has been waiting inside your tension all along.

00:10:29: Now, It flies in direction of the pull!

00:10:32: The second way?

00:10:33: One hand lets go.

00:10:34: You can hand a letter over.

00:10:36: There are people who write these things for living.

00:10:39: After looking at this honestly you also decide against the cause Truly against with open eyes.

00:10:46: The tension is gone too because spring was only one end just hangs there.

00:10:51: What never resolves tension?

00:10:53: holding on to both ends and acting as if nothing were there.

00:10:57: Acting, As If You Had Never Seen the Ad for The Course!

00:11:01: Scene is seen –the wish keeps pulling whether you look at it or not– and that's what we try most

00:11:07: often.".

00:11:08: Four insights have come together now And when you lay them side by side- the blind spot of this episode appears.

00:11:16: We confuse releasing tension with resolving it.

00:11:19: When the tension rises…we do whatever lowers its fastest We distract ourselves, we let off steam.

00:11:25: We tidy up and it works for one evening.

00:11:29: The next morning both ends are still there the spring stretches again And we wonder why nothing has changed four months On top of that?

00:11:37: We tell ourself this story that you're just not disciplined.

00:11:41: Physics shows something different.

00:11:43: tension is a message.

00:11:45: It says they two real ends are pulling at you and inside it already lies the movement That is still to come.

00:11:53: Whoever only wants to get rid of it, throws the message away and keeps both ends.

00:11:59: Once you see this your question changes instead of how do I get rid off these quickly?

00:12:04: It becomes which end do i move towards or Which one do I let go ?

00:12:10: I have four questions for you.

00:12:12: pick The One that stays with You most.

00:12:15: first Where does it pull in Your life right now?

00:12:18: a task That's waiting A conversation thats due or a wish that has made itself hurt?

00:12:25: And can you name both ends?

00:12:26: what pulls, what holds.

00:12:29: Second when does it pull hardest and when at all?

00:12:33: What Does That Tell You About What It Is Really About?

00:12:37: Third how do usually release your tension?

00:12:41: tidying up scrolling letting of steam?

00:12:45: If u look at it honestly Has That Ever Changed One Of The Ends?

00:12:50: Fourth What would be one small step towards one of the ends this week?

00:12:56: Or just as honest, which end could you truly let go?

00:13:00: Hand over.

00:13:01: Cancel.

00:13:02: Decide!

00:13:04: Let's bring the four insights of this episode together.

00:13:07: First tension forms between two ends.

00:13:10: Something pulls and something holds.

00:13:13: That is true for wishes Just As Much Is For Task.

00:13:16: Second From The Outside Tension Looks Like Calm and it still makes you tired.

00:13:22: Third, the pull grows stronger over time... ...and is precise!

00:13:27: If feel closely then learn what this really about.

00:13:31: And fourth, inside tension lies movement that's still to come.. ..and when let go takes direction given by you.

00:13:39: And if put all of these into one single sentence Tension is a movement which has not yet taken place.

00:13:47: Did a situation of your own come to mind by listening?

00:13:50: A letter, a conversation, a wish.

00:13:53: A pull you are holding right now?

00:13:55: Send it me!

00:13:56: You will find out how.

00:13:57: in the show notes In upcoming episodes I'll take real situations from listeners and look at what physics makes visible in them.

00:14:05: No advice no judgement.

00:14:07: The next episode is about feeling that life getting tight.

00:14:11: Physics calls its pressure.

00:14:13: I'm Barbara Thank you for being here.

00:14:15: See you next time on physics and life!